There is a song by Maverick City Music called “The Refiner.” Part of the song says, “You’re a fire, the refiner. I want to be consumed. I wanna be tried by fire, purified. Take whatever you desire, Lord here’s my life. I wanna burn.” Throughout my race it has been a song that has been played over and over again. In the beginning, I sang it with all my heart. I cried out to the Lord that I wanted to be refined if it meant being brought closer to Him. Then it started, through heartbreak, through hard situations, through painful circumstances and one day I stopped singing this song. I told the Lord it was too much. The weight of the pain was crushing me. I saw myself as I truly was, prideful and broken. I wanted the brokenness to end. I wanted it to be better and when people ask if I was ok I wouldn’t tear up at the thought of having to give an honest answer. I was tired of being refined. So I stopped singing that song. Sure I still sang of who God is, of all that He’s done but I didn’t asked to be refined anymore. I didn’t want it and quite frankly was ready to feel like myself again. 

   The thought often crossed my mind that this must be a punishment. And these were the consequences I had to answer to. That was nothing but a lie from the devil. One day I finally spoke to that lie and said no more. I know my God didn’t make these circumstances, they are the result of others free will but I know He will use it. It hit me a couple of months ago, my God will use this for His good. My testimony is literally seeing how God took what the devil meant to destroy me and turn it for my good. He’s shown me so many things in every trial. Even through this refinement process, through this time of healing, my God has shown me powerful things. I can only see a glimpse of how He’s turning it for good but I know that He’s still working. 

    A couple of weeks ago I heard the song again. I’ll be honest, I hesitated. I remember saying to the Lord that I was healing. He was still healing me, I’m still being refined so why was I nervous to speak these words again. You see our words have power. What we say matters. Finally I sang and felt free. Refinement is hard and painful but I have never been as dependent on God as I was in those crushing moments. I couldn’t handle it on my own but my God can. So when I gave it to Him, He made the burden lighter. 

   I know He’s not done yet. So I’ll stay in the fire. Pain is inevitable but if this is what it takes for me to grow and become more Christ like, then so be it. 

   The question that the Lord keeps asking me and now I’ll ask you, do you want to be refined? Will you stay in the fire? Know that above all He is with you and that is solely where you get your strength.